Eating Out and Emotional Eating Success!

Along the same lines as my previous post, my husband and I go out to restaurants to celebrate things - whether it be a raise, promotion, birthday, anniversary, or just a date night.  Normally I love this, any chance to avoid cooking and I am all over it!  Not to mention the fun of trying out new foods, spice combinations and flavours.  We also really just enjoy the time to ourselves, when we don't have to worry about the kids and can focus on each other - something that we don't get to do very much with 5 busy and talkative kids at home.

Well last night my husband surprised me with an invitation out to dinner to celebrate a very important certification test he passed.  I have to admit I wasn't terribly gracious when I responded.  All I could think of was but I hadn't planned on this!  I have been trying very hard to be careful with my calories and my exercise.  Going out to dinner was going to throw all of that out the window!  It would mean my day's calorie counts would be blown and I wouldn't be able to go to the gym and work out - which amazingly enough I am starting to enjoy!

But keeping all my healthy eating info in mind and embracing the spontaneity of the occasion I quickly had a change of heart.  I grabbed a large drink bottle and drank down a pint of water to fill me up a bit so I wouldn't overindulge.  Then just as we were about to go out the door, I received some very upsetting news.  News that had me livid, so upset I wanted to physically destroy things.  Not a common feeling by any means but definitely enough to have me reeling and reaching out for food.  But get this.....I didn't!  I didn't self soothe with food, I didn't comfort eat and I didn't over indulge!

We went to the restaurant, I made excellent food choices - and not just for the sake of my "diet" but because I actually wanted a Greek Salad with Chicken hold the dressing and the croutons.  Hubby and I shared a dessert as part of the celebration but really, I could have done without it.  We talked.  And talked and talked.  It was great!  We discussed the upsetting news and what we were going to do about it.  We even went for a walk after dinner!

I feel so many things as I write this.  Normally I would have felt angry, bitter, guilty for overindulging, disgusted with myself for blowing my "diet" again.  Instead, I feel strong, powerful, in control and so, so proud of myself!

I can certainly get used to this feeling!

Food + Family = Love?

I am not sure about you, but as a child and even now with my extended family, food is the centrepiece of all our gatherings.  We don't come together for game night, or head out to watch a football game.  We get together for dinners, brunches, dessert, celebration luncheons etc.  The same has happened to my immediate family.  When my husband and I actually find time to have a date night, we go out for supper.  If I have a mommy and son or daughter date day, it almost always involves a restaurant.

Like this past weekend, I had a date with my 13 year old to see Hunger Games.  We started out by having lunch, then went to the movie where we got pop and popcorn.

A couple of weekends ago it was my husband's 50th birthday.  I planned a nice evening out at a "fancy" restaurant - the portions were huge - but FABULOUS!  We ate every bite.  The next morning we were invited out to a special birthday brunch - again, lots of food!  Add to that the requisite family birthday supper -  roast beef, roasted vegetables, potatoes, wine, cake, ice cream etc.  I spent the entire weekend eating!

Another example - in Ontario we have such a thing as Family Day.  It is the third Monday in February.  I woke up to this surprise breakfast buffet my daughters made for us.  Keep in mind, there was also supposed to be waffles and crepes, but they didn't turn out.  Look at the amount of food for 7 of us to eat!

My daughters have begun the habit of food for every celebration - surprise birthday breakfasts, "picnics" in front of the TV for New Years, hockey finals, favourite movies etc.

For us, food and togetherness does equal love, so how do I change that perception?  Is it something that has to stop all together or is it something that needs to be tweaked to better meet the health requirements of our family?  How do I change the emphasis on food as the focal point?  Any suggestions?

I assume that the MP3 track called "FOOD" might address some of this issue as I understand it is about dealing with your relationship with food.  So I guess I know which track I will be listening to next!

10lbs lost and finally ready for the Operation Track!

Well the first 10lbs are gone!  Here's hoping they stay gone for good!

It has been a busy, chaotic and fun week.  Lots of activities with the kids as they were off for March Break.  Didn't always stick to my eating plan but did well more often than not.

Tomorrow is the day I have decided to listen to the Operation Track.  I have spent that last weeks listening to the prep tracks, getting used to the whole idea of hypnosis and getting comfortable with the concepts.  I have taken a good hard look at myself, my issues, my hurdles and made a firm commitment to dealing with it all.  And not just a commitment either, but have taken steps to work on my triggers, my emotions and my relationships.  It is all very empowering which is why I feel ready to take this next step!

I have a nice comfy spot all picked out, plans to have house all to myself, had the week off work so I am well rested and have really been working hard on upping my water intake each day - I am borderline dehydrated on a regular basis.

Looking forward to doing the session, if it is as beneficial as the preceding tracks have been then I will be well on my way to a healthier me!

Can Inspiration beat out fear?

Can I tell you a secret?  I feel silly even typing this out.  Every time I picture myself doing it, I imagine people pointing and laughing...I want to participate in the Niagara Falls Marathon this coming October by running the 5k Event.

Last year I stood at the finish line waiting for my then 11 year old daughter to cross with her schoolmates.  They had participated in the Schools Marathon Challenge that had them running at school during September and October, then they joined the marathon for the last couple of kilometres bringing their total combined running distance to 40km.

While waiting for the kids, I was able to watch as competitors in the 5k/10k events cross the finish line.  Lots of them were what you would expect from runners - lean, wiry, excellent shape.  But some of them we senior citizens, a man recovering from heart surgery, breast cancer survivors, obese people, families, fathers and their young children.  Sometimes as a person crossed, the announcer would give out tidbits of information - for example the man recovering from heart surgery, he had the surgery 6 months prior and had decided to make radical changes to his life.

I was so proud of these people.  Truth be told, I paid very little attention to the regular runners, I waited very impatiently for all the rest, the unexpected runners, the ones with stories.  I repeatedly teared up as they finished their races, so impressed and touched by what I imagined their journeys had entailed to get to that point.  Some were taking pictures of themselves as they passed  under the banner - their pride shining out for the world to see.  Others had whole cheering sections going wild for them.  For the ones that ran with friends, there were laughs, hugs and some tears of joy and accomplishment.

Looking around at the rest of the cheering crowds, I didn't see derision or mocking on their faces.  They seemed to be feeling the same things, cheering for every single person that finished their events.  Why would it be any different if I were to participate?

I try to imagine my entire family there at the finish line, cheering wildly and waving signs or posters as I came down the road - but sadly I can't.  My parents wouldn't make it because it would be too difficult for my father and he can't stand loud crowds.  My older sister would make excuses that she had other commitments.  My little sister would probably come, but she would be busy paying attention to other things.

My husband and kids would be there, but unless I made the signs and posters with the little ones, it wouldn't happen.  And I would get to hear about how stressful it is to have all the kids in a giant crazy crowd like that and how hard it was on him waiting and waiting for the event to be finished.

I could put out a general invite to some friends but I would be shattered if none of them came.

I'm half tempted to just do it but not tell anyone, just so I don't have to be disappointed with their lack of encouragement.  It would be easier to just do the run without any expectations than to be horribly disappointed at the end.

Is this too big of a goal?  Can goals be too big?  If I start really working toward this, I have 8 months to train and prepare.  Technically it is a 5k Run/Walk, so even if I am not able to run the whole thing, but rather do a combination, it would still be a significant accomplishment.

Gosh, I have a whole lot of positive self talking to do!

Need a Boost

This week has really been a killer for me.  With everyone still sick, my days at home are extra long, my stress level is high, there is a lot going on that affects me emotionally, I am not getting the sleep I need to function fully at my midnight job and I find I am reaching for food as an instant pick me up.  And of course it is the quick, easy, high calorie, high sugar content things that I want to reach for to give me that instant boost.

As part of my overall plan to get healthy, I have begun to limit myself to one coffee a day.  Relying on coffee or in my case mocha (coffee and hot chocolate mix) to get me through the day/night was very detrimental.  It is high calories, eases my thirst which keeps me from drinking nutritive/beneficial alternatives and just leaves me needing another one in an hour or so.  The roller coaster of the sugar and caffeine highs leaves my body constantly craving more.

Yesterday morning, after leaving work, I went home with the best of intentions, I was going to have just a little snack before sleeping to keep my blood sugar even, but once I started it was like I couldn't stop.  My mind, my body, my entire being was crying out for sleep but I just NEEDED to have more.  Since this was technically my "supper" for the day, I had a limited number of calories I could use - about 1000 - which I blew through pretty quickly with some Eggo Cinnamon Waffles.  If I had just eaten a regular portion and then some protein I would have been fine.  If I had just chosen something completely different - something healthier I would at least have had the satisfaction that is was good for me.  If I had just walked away and gone to bed after the first portion I would have been fine. But I didn't, I went back for more, and then more.

Later, when the guilt wouldn't let me sleep(starting the cycle all over again), I tried working through the Ws in my head.

• Why did I do it?
• What did I think it was going to accomplish?
• Which need was I really fulfilling?
• When did I stop eating to assuage my hunger/energy and begin to eat for comfort?
• Why didn't I stop myself?
• When was I going to get control over this?

I never did get answers to all of the questions, but I haven't stopped trying.  In order to bust out of this pattern, I need to come to grips with why I do it.  This morning after work, my plan is a small bowl of cereal, some yoghurt and fruit.  The I am going to settle in and start listening to the food and inner change tracks.  I haven't gotten to them yet - avoidance is another issue I deal with! 

 I am hesitant to deal with the bigger issues that hide behind the weight, to take it all out of hiding, brush it off and take a good hard look at it all.  When I am honest with myself, that is why the use of the hypnosis tracks has stalled.  

Pre-Diabetes and the RDI

While I do not yet have "frank" diabetes, I am what is classified as Pre-Diabetic.


Pre-Diabetes from diabeteswellbeing.com- "The condition occurs when a person's blood glucose readings are elevated above normal, but lower than is considered a diagnosis of diabetes. This condition almost always exists in people prior to developing type 2 diabetes."

This quote from the endocrinologist.com quite matter of factly explains what my RDI portions should be.  I was having trouble figuring it out. 
"Overall, a nutrition plan for a person with diabetes includes 10 to 20 percent of calories from protein, no more than 30 percent of calories from fats (with no more than 10 percent from saturated fats), and the remaining 50 to 60 percent from carbohydrates. Carbohydrate foods that contain dietary fiber are encouraged, . Sodium intake of no more than 3000 mg per day is suggested."

What is the proper diet for Pre-Diabetes? from diabeteswellbeing.com
"The proper diet for pre diabetes really isn't that much different than if you have diabetes. Certainly, the stakes may be a bit higher with diabetes, and glucose control may be a bit more important. Nonetheless, you need to work on the following (to begin with):

• Portion Control - Stop eating so much!
• Avoid refined or processed carbohydrates (e.g., white sugar, white flower, high fructose corn syrup, etc.).
• Eat well balanced meals (less carbohydrates, more vegetables, fruit and lean protein)."

My RDI pie chart

  protein - 9%

fats - 20%

 carbs - 71%

Keeping all this in mind, I have been monitoring and tracking my food for the last couple of days, with regard to my RDI - my pie chart is a little heavy on the carbs and pretty light on the protein, therefore I will have to really work on that.  Of course, my comfort foods, my craving foods are all carb based.  REALLY gotta work on those cravings!

Magic Pill?

I am very proud of my fellow Canadian Dr. Mike Evans from University of Toronto and St. Michael's Hospital for the amazing  work he did on this video.  It is simply fantastic!

Everyone would like to find that Magic Pill or Magic Bullet that will make everything better with little or no effort.  Of course that would be AWESOME!  But it is totally unrealistic.

A couple of comments I have run across regarding the Christopher Adams Gastric Band Hypnosis Kit - lead me to believe that it was purchased with the idea that it was a Magic Pill.  I don't view it like that.  I read the promotional info, I read the same hype that everyone else did.  But I think that being a rational and logical person, I realized that simply listening to some MP3s was not going to make the fat melt off my body.  It was not going to suddenly turn me into a tight toned little hottie.  My metabolism was not going to suddenly accelerate and  burn off everything I eat regardless of what I ingested.

As I have said before, the home hypnosis set is just one tool in my toolkit.  My kit consists of

• healthy eating plan
• moderate exercise - increasing as I feel better and more able
• Gastric Bypass hypnosis system
• support system
• getting better sleep
• journal
• blogging
• making myself a priority

All of those things will work together to assist me to reach my goals.  And on the days when it all seems to be to much, I will remember.....

BMI and Goal Setting

Your BMI is 55.1 - severely obese

Your weight is substantially above the healthy range for your height, which means you have a higher than average risk of developing diseases associated with obesity.

Losing enough weight to bring your BMI to below 25 will benefit your health, and the way you look and feel.

You can lose weight by making sure the number of calories you eat each day is less than the number of calories you need to maintain your weight at its current level. This is best achieved by making changes to your eating habits so your diet is healthier, and starting to get some exercise which you can build up and maintain regularly.

It may sound crazy, but that was insanely hard to read.  I mean, it isn't a surprise to anyone that I am overweight.  Overweight and obese in my case are one and the same.  I can wear all the baggy clothes that I want to and it is never going to hide the fact that I am fat.  Uggggh, the dreaded F word.  I hate to say it, hear it or type it.  So reminiscent of my childhood "Fatty Fatty 2x4". "Tub of Lard", "Porker", "Pig", "Miss Piggy".  Is it any wonder I shudder when I hear the word?

I have never had a problem admitting to myself that my weight was an issue, but it certainly is hard to hear it from someone else, whether it be my husband (who is VERY careful to never say it), family, medical staff, clothing store clerks or even my 3 year old who yesterday told me I have a very, Very, VERY large bum!

With an eye toward staying in reality, I don't expect to ever get down to the ideal weight for my height which is 104-127lbs.  I mean, that is just a ridiculous number!  First of all it would require me to lose 200lbs, secondly, that is not a realistic weight for me.  I think that would be setting myself up for failure.  No one in my family is that thin, for a couple of generations back even.  We are bigger boned and at nearly 40, I don't even think I would look good at that weight.


My goal at this point is 175lbs which at a BMI of 31 is still considered obese, I would be much healthier, have much more energy and feel a whole lot better about myself.  It would mean a total weight loss goal of 136lbs (a whole person!).  Still, that feel like an insurmountable number.  Lets say I lost 3lbs week, which I don't think I would be able to do it would take me over 45 weeks!  A more reasonable number of 2lbs a week would take me 68 weeks which is well over a year!


I can hear Christopher Adams in my head already, it isn't a race, its a journey, its a process, don't put such pressure on yourself, it happened over time, it will take time to get it off, etc etc etc.  :)


I am more a reward based kind of girl, so I am going to break it up into more realistic chunks with non-edible rewards!  Things that will make me feel good about myself and be a treat.  The kind of thing a really busy mom of 5 just never manages to find the time for!

• manicure
• new hair style
• highlights
• massage
• pedicure

The chunks will be 25lbs.  Everytime I hit a milestone of 25lbs lost I will pick a treat and go do it.  I will probably purchase gift certificates on a mass purchase site like Groupon or Wagjag etc, to keep the prices down.  When I hit my big goal, I doing a whole spa day baby!  Gimme the works!  :)