Giving Up

This is usually the point at which I give up.

This morning I weighed myself and the damn scale didn't move!  Honestly I don't know how that could happen.  I have been drinking my water, exercising - which I never used to do, and eating really really well.  I have been mindful of my portion size, not indulging in mindless snacking like I would before.  Increased my veggies and decreased my carbs.  I have been listening to the tracks at least 4x a week.  I really feel like I have been doing everything right!

My jeans feel tight in the thighs and even the calves which I don't understand either!  I know I have been doing mostly the treadmill and adding in upper body weights, but I didn't think that my legs would increase in size - dear Lord!  They really don't need to be any bigger!

And to make matters worse, even though my treadmill work outs are going really well and I am able to go longer and have added lots of hills, I had a difficult time making it up three flights of stairs yesterday!  Stairs have never been my friend, but yesterday I sounded like a winded horse after I made it to the top!  I felt worse than I did before I started working out.  AND on a daily basis instead of feeling more energized by this new cleaner eating plan, exercise and water drinking, I am feeling MORE worn out, tired and exhausted!

So my temptation is to fling up my arms in defeat and find a container of the creamiest, chocolate-iest ice cream and just have at it.

I feel so defeated!  All this hard work - and it has been hard work!  Fitting in 3-4 trips to the gym a week, planning out my meals, keeping a food diary, finding alternatives to my food vices, forcing myself to down copious quantities of water.  It is impossible to imagine that with all the weight I have to lose that I would have hit a plateau already.

The real sucky part of it is, no one has noticed any difference yet.  I know that the actual amount of weight I have lost is just a drop in the bucket, but it would be far easier to stay motivated if my progress was noticeable.

OK so my whining is over for now.  Now I have to give myself a swift kick in the butt and get on with it.  What are the possible reasons for stalling?

• time of the month (TMI sorry :) )
• stress
• straight midnights make it harder on the body to lose weight
• did I cut my calories too much?
• I know my sleep patterns are not optimal for weight loss

 

If I can continue on with my plans for another month and a half regardless of results, than I will be off work for the summer and my body will get back into a natural rhythm.  Hopefully then, all this hard work will begin to show results!

Exercise

As a child, playing, running, jumping and having a great time was the highlight of my day.  When did that change?  When did exercise become a bad word?  Why did it become an effort instead of something that was fun and something to look forward to?


Looking back, as I hit puberty and the weight started to stay on, I re-developed my childhood asthma, that put a big crimp in my exercising and I began to fear it.  Exertion of any type would leave me winded, gasping for oxygen and possibly vomiting or passing out.  Add to that my great propensity for getting injured - many injuries to ankles, knees, ligaments and tendons that left me the walking wounded.  And I am beginning to see how exercise had lost its allure.


Fast forward to my college - between part time jobs, interning (for free!) and my classes, there was very little extra time in my schedule.  The small bits we could scrape together usually found us hanging out at a pub, having wings and beer and possibly doing homework on the side.




I made numerous attempts to get fit throughout the early years of marriage - but the kids came so fast and were such a hindrance to getting to a gym.  Just trying to get out the door with 3 kids under 3 and all the things that they require left me frazzled and exhausted.  Getting to the gym and trying to fit in a work out between the limited time two of them could be in childcare and the 3rd could be in a tots program left me rushing and unable to participate in the group programs such as aerobics, and there by limiting my sense of accountability to anyone there.  By the time I dragged 3 tired and cranky kids to the van, I was so frustrated, on the verge of tears and would binge at the nearest drive through!

As subsequent children came and the weight kept on coming, activities such as walking, biking and going to the park just became more and more difficult.


Fast forward another 10 years and I am happy to say we again have a family membership at the YMCA which is just a short drive away.  We have it scheduled in stone that we go as a family 3x a week.  Now I still experience the frustration of getting everyone where they need to go, and working within their schedules, but we are working on it.  Of course if anyone is sick and can't go I am still the one that ends up staying home with them, but that is a discussion I need to have with my dh and not just expect him to realize I would like to go that day.  On the days I do get there, I get on the treadmill and do my 30 mins on cardio hills.  I have my earphones in and zone out to an audiobook.  If I don't listen to a book, I spend the whole time watching the clock and then suddenly I can't complete the 30 mins.  Then I do some cool down laps on the track and do another 15 mins on the bike.  By then, it is time to pick up the toddler.  Lately, with all the colds and flus going around, I have only been making it about 1x a week.  While it is better than nothing, I really would like to improve that.


I also have invested in Wii Zumba.  It is fun and really gets me moving....when I actually do it.  I would love to do Zumba with a real class, but until I get past my embarrassment at my less than stellar moves, the Wii version will have to suffice!


Today, I did my 20 mins of Zumba and then put on Just Dance 2 and did the Just Sweat Mode for 8 songs!  Now sitting here with my big drink of water, I am feeling pretty darn good about myself.  I have two sick kids at home, but where I normally would have used that as an excuse not to exercise, I DID IT!

As always, the quotes and pics I use have been found on Pinterest - I have a whole board set up with Weight Loss Inspirations!