299 and loving it!

So I caved!  Last night I grabbed some creamy chocolate marshmallow with crunchy things inside of it ice cream.  Then because I was SO good, I had more, and more.  Thankfully I was a rather smallish container of ice cream because I don't think I would have stopped myself.  Either way, I ate the whole container and immediately felt ill.  I felt wretched the entire night and even this morning can feel the effects.  My sleep was horrible and full of strange dreams and even now the idea of any sort of food or drink is repugnant.

On the bright side, and yes, there is a bright side, I weighed myself this morning and I have officially dropped out of the 300s!  I am 299!  I would be doing a little happy dance right now if I didn't think my stomach would revolt!

Not sure what cause the scale to move, maybe it was just the water weight due to my period.  Either way, I am happy it is gone and very, very happy to learn from my binge.  It is JUST NOT WORTH IT!

Need a Boost

This week has really been a killer for me.  With everyone still sick, my days at home are extra long, my stress level is high, there is a lot going on that affects me emotionally, I am not getting the sleep I need to function fully at my midnight job and I find I am reaching for food as an instant pick me up.  And of course it is the quick, easy, high calorie, high sugar content things that I want to reach for to give me that instant boost.

As part of my overall plan to get healthy, I have begun to limit myself to one coffee a day.  Relying on coffee or in my case mocha (coffee and hot chocolate mix) to get me through the day/night was very detrimental.  It is high calories, eases my thirst which keeps me from drinking nutritive/beneficial alternatives and just leaves me needing another one in an hour or so.  The roller coaster of the sugar and caffeine highs leaves my body constantly craving more.

Yesterday morning, after leaving work, I went home with the best of intentions, I was going to have just a little snack before sleeping to keep my blood sugar even, but once I started it was like I couldn't stop.  My mind, my body, my entire being was crying out for sleep but I just NEEDED to have more.  Since this was technically my "supper" for the day, I had a limited number of calories I could use - about 1000 - which I blew through pretty quickly with some Eggo Cinnamon Waffles.  If I had just eaten a regular portion and then some protein I would have been fine.  If I had just chosen something completely different - something healthier I would at least have had the satisfaction that is was good for me.  If I had just walked away and gone to bed after the first portion I would have been fine. But I didn't, I went back for more, and then more.

Later, when the guilt wouldn't let me sleep(starting the cycle all over again), I tried working through the Ws in my head.

• Why did I do it?
• What did I think it was going to accomplish?
• Which need was I really fulfilling?
• When did I stop eating to assuage my hunger/energy and begin to eat for comfort?
• Why didn't I stop myself?
• When was I going to get control over this?

I never did get answers to all of the questions, but I haven't stopped trying.  In order to bust out of this pattern, I need to come to grips with why I do it.  This morning after work, my plan is a small bowl of cereal, some yoghurt and fruit.  The I am going to settle in and start listening to the food and inner change tracks.  I haven't gotten to them yet - avoidance is another issue I deal with! 

 I am hesitant to deal with the bigger issues that hide behind the weight, to take it all out of hiding, brush it off and take a good hard look at it all.  When I am honest with myself, that is why the use of the hypnosis tracks has stalled.  

Pre-Diabetes and the RDI

While I do not yet have "frank" diabetes, I am what is classified as Pre-Diabetic.


Pre-Diabetes from diabeteswellbeing.com- "The condition occurs when a person's blood glucose readings are elevated above normal, but lower than is considered a diagnosis of diabetes. This condition almost always exists in people prior to developing type 2 diabetes."

This quote from the endocrinologist.com quite matter of factly explains what my RDI portions should be.  I was having trouble figuring it out. 
"Overall, a nutrition plan for a person with diabetes includes 10 to 20 percent of calories from protein, no more than 30 percent of calories from fats (with no more than 10 percent from saturated fats), and the remaining 50 to 60 percent from carbohydrates. Carbohydrate foods that contain dietary fiber are encouraged, . Sodium intake of no more than 3000 mg per day is suggested."

What is the proper diet for Pre-Diabetes? from diabeteswellbeing.com
"The proper diet for pre diabetes really isn't that much different than if you have diabetes. Certainly, the stakes may be a bit higher with diabetes, and glucose control may be a bit more important. Nonetheless, you need to work on the following (to begin with):

• Portion Control - Stop eating so much!
• Avoid refined or processed carbohydrates (e.g., white sugar, white flower, high fructose corn syrup, etc.).
• Eat well balanced meals (less carbohydrates, more vegetables, fruit and lean protein)."

My RDI pie chart

  protein - 9%

fats - 20%

 carbs - 71%

Keeping all this in mind, I have been monitoring and tracking my food for the last couple of days, with regard to my RDI - my pie chart is a little heavy on the carbs and pretty light on the protein, therefore I will have to really work on that.  Of course, my comfort foods, my craving foods are all carb based.  REALLY gotta work on those cravings!

Improving the Entire Package

From the Christopher Adams Training website


"Food isn't just a hunger thing, it's also an emotional thing. Food comforts and fills a void that is ongoing. The surgery might stop the food going in but cannot address the real reasons for over-eating, binge eating and excess. That's what makes us very, very different and hugely successful. Our program goes deep into the issues that cause your problems in the first place. It answers questions like why does this really happen? When did it begin? How can I stop it happening again. These are core, deep issues that are rarely if ever covered by conventional treatments. We go to the core. This helps you to lose weight and keep off your weight."

According to the website using this program should prepare me for life long changes.  Changes that occur not just in my body, but in my mind, my emotions and my heart.  

Emotionally, instead of focusing on not eating, it should help me focus in on WHY I want to eat and address those issues.

Psychologically, I hope it will help me re-direct those feelings into positive actions - better food choices, exercise, relaxation, ways to deal with stress.

For my heart, <fingers crossed> the program will help me to love myself, be gentle with myself and to forgive myself.

Those three aspects I think are the most important part of the entire thing.  Would convincing my body that my stomach was significantly smaller be great??  DUH!  Of course it would.  But that wouldn't stop me from treating every emotion from elation, to stress, from heartache to boredom with food.  It wouldn't allow me to forgive myself and not beat myself up if I happen to slip up.

That physical side of it is awesome and I sincerely hope it works.  But at the end of this journey, I really am looking forward to the entire package being improved, not just the part I can see in the mirror.