My
husband says I look for criticism where none is intended. That I search
for a hidden negative in the things that are said to me. This would be
some of the "stuff" that Christopher Adams says I would need to work
on. In his response to me via our Facebook Support Group he
says
"...... it all highlights areas of internal challenges for
you (if you didnt have them then whatever anyone around you said or did wouldnt
bother you in the slightest). In fact it can often be a great barometer of your
internal progress is how you react internally to them. It important to
distinguish between what's your 'stuff' and what's their 'stuff'...."
He wrote
that in response to my post about not telling friends and family about this
program. And he is absolutely correct; this particular pile of "stuff"
IS something I need to work on. I need to stop looking to others
to validate me, my ideas and myself worth. It shouldn't matter so much
what others think of me or don't think of me - but it does. I love these
posts I found on Pinterest.
I have
undergone a metamorphosis this past year.
Almost
exactly 1 year ago today, emotionally I hit rock bottom, my marriage was shaky,
I had to take a LOA from work, and my depression had hit an all time low.
I had come to the point where I could not take one more ounce of stress,
one more complaint, one more criticism, one more of anything. I had a
meltdown in my kitchen that scared my husband so badly he took me to the
hospital to be assessed. It is still very hard to share; I have kept it a
secret from almost everyone. I felt a lot of shame about the
whole ordeal and embarrassment at having been admitted to the psych
ward for a couple of days until they could get my medication at its proper
levels and I had a couple of sessions with a therapist and more sessions set
up. Was I suicidal? No I wasn't, but they were concerned.
For most
of my life I had been using food and spending as a way to self soothe all my
emotions. Well the spending had caused major debt trouble for my
household and my marriage to almost end and as such the eating issues were at
an all time high. In my post-admission therapy sessions we talked a lot
about self worth, dignity, inner strength and pride of self. I have spent
this year working on those areas, I have my spending addiction under control,
have become adept at standing up for myself and no longer allowing people to
use me as a doormat. I have begun to understand that allowing people to
make me feel bad about myself and then resenting them for that is
useless.
I have kept close to me these two quotes from Eleanor Roosevelt -
I have kept close to me these two quotes from Eleanor Roosevelt -
In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The
process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own
responsibility.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
The choices I had made, the inferiority I felt, the
resentfulness I had allowed to fester over each little hurt (whether
intentional or not) had gotten me to that point. I was never going to
allow myself to be that person again.
Last year was the year to change the inner me - to work on battling the self defeating demons that kept me from a successful marriage, success at work and feeling good about myself.
Last year was the year to change the inner me - to work on battling the self defeating demons that kept me from a successful marriage, success at work and feeling good about myself.
This is the year I work to change the outer me. Losing
weight and getting healthy. I still have some work to do on the inner
dialogue I have running in my head and that is what I hope the hypnosis kit
will help me with. But with my new found strength and pride in self, I
feel more ready and confident than I ever have before that this time; I can be
successful in getting healthy!
Criticism is still hard to hear when I know it is coming, and still far too easy to think I hear in the words of others. But I am getting better and better at coping with both forms. I will no longer allow other people's "stuff" to become my "stuff". I have enough "stuff" of my own to deal with!
Criticism is still hard to hear when I know it is coming, and still far too easy to think I hear in the words of others. But I am getting better and better at coping with both forms. I will no longer allow other people's "stuff" to become my "stuff". I have enough "stuff" of my own to deal with!
Oh my gosh, it's crazy that I've just found your blog today. I just got back from my shrink, and had been saying - almost word for word - the part about food and spending as my self-soothing mechanisms.
ReplyDeleteI totally feel as though your blog was meant for me to find. I purchased the same Groupon for the Christopher Adams package, but have not yet begun to listen to them. Avoidance is among my "stuff" to deal with also... ;)
Reading your posts, I feel motivated to get them rolling in my iPod! I look forward to reading more about your journey, it has inspired me (or given me a kick in the a$$ that I desperately need).
Thank you!!
Leigh Anne
Leigh Anne, glad you found me! Keep reading and we will kick these negative behaviours in the butt together!
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