And it begins....

OK, where to start?  Gosh, so much to say, so much to do, so much pressure to really succeed this time.  I guess, I am going to start with the biggest reasons I want to make these changes.  In no particular order except the first one which is the most important to me.

• The need to be healthy enough and energetic enough to play with my children.
• I want to look in the mirror without cringing
• I want to feel better
• I don't want my pre-diabetes to turn into full blown diabetes
• I want my husband to be proud of me
• I would really love a whole new wardrobe!  :)
• I want to improve my quality of life
• My knees are KILLING me
• The people I love are worried about my health
• Losing weight, getting healthy and feeling better about myself will help me get a handle on my recurring bouts of depression that require medication.
• Setting a better example for my children.
• To prove that all those times I told myself I couldn't do it - I was wrong.

Over the years, I have halfheartedly tried the usual fad diets, Weight Watchers, South Beach, Atkins...you know the usual route people take.  The biggest problem I had with them was I never believed I could spend the rest of my life adhering to such a restrictive lifestyle.  My life is not orderly, it is not well structured, it is not text book.  We fly by the seat of our pants a lot of time, rushing here, there and everywhere.  We enjoy being spontaneous, we live on a rather firm budget and the kids (beg to) do a whole lot of the cooking.  The midnight shift means my body clock is completely out of whack and I consume far too much caffeine to try and make it all work.

Food has always been my comfort, my anxiety killer, a solution to boredom, my companion while watching TV or driving long distances.  Chocolate and buttery popcorn are my favourite drugs of choice.

I have long known and understood that my relationship with food was dysfunctional, my body image was abysmal and my inner voice was downright abusive.  What I didn't know or understand was how to change it.  Just thinking about going to therapy to discuss the causes for it all drove me to the fridge or candy aisle.  My few attempts ended with me bingeing after hitting up the nearest drive thru.  It was easier just to quit - but it wasn't right, it wasn't smart and it wasn't healthy - mentally, physically or emotionally.

Admittedly, what first drew me to the Gastric Bypass Hypnosis program was the fact that it was only $69 through Groupon.  The second appealing thing was the idea that I would have results without work - I regret to say that was just wishful thinking.  There is always work to do for anything that is important.  And this IS important to me.  

If this program works out the way I believe it should - the preparatory tracks will  

• help me get my head on straight
• encourage me to believe in my ability to make this happen
• strengthen my resolve to exercise
• help me to relax so I can sleep better and feel more energetic

I have at this point only listened to the Introduction, Relaxation, Sleep and Exercise tracks.  I am going to spend at least a week, working on those and adding in the HypnoPlay track.

The relaxation and sleep tracks have been greatly appreciated.  I have been able to calm my mind, settle my thoughts and slip into a deep, refreshing, dreamless sleep.  This is a godsend and already is worth the money I spent.

The exercise track I listened to while walking on my break at work - not ideal but I figured I wouldn't fall asleep that way.  I need to dedicate time for myself each day to listen to the tracks.  I owe it to myself to do it.